Splat!!! Hershey laid lifeless on the floor, he didn't move at all.
Minutes before…
Zoom!!! I was riding my skateboard briskly through the living room and I suddenly realized that I was going too quick!! I was rapidly inching closer and closer toward my living room table occupied by my brown goldfish, Hershey. Bam!! I rammed into my living room table, violently hurling myself into the goldfish bowl. Slowly, Hershey flew out of the bowl hitting the ladder. Then, Splat!! Hershey landed on the floor with a sudden Thump!!! My mom walked in the door and asked: “Who did this?”. I replied, “The dog did it!!!”.
Hi Mai, I really enjoyed your story - it hooked me from the beginning with the use of onomatopoeia...I could tell it would be exciting! You also use a variety of adverbs which help to make you writing more descriptive. I wonder if your mom believed you...
ReplyDeleteThank you for entering the 100WC!
Best wishes,
Mel Wells (Team 100)
Somerset, UK
P.S - I visited Vietnam a few years ago...the motorcycles terrified me when I crossed the road, but it is also one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited - I can see why you love your home country! Good luck with your new country!